Listening is not just something that we do
Listening is not just something that we do

Listening is not just something that we do

Dear Friends

We tend to think of hospitality as a form of entertainment. We feel the pressure of making sure our guests have enough to do and experience. Or we sense the compulsion to convert hospitality into another opportunity to solve someone’s problems by giving them religious advice. According to Nouwen, true hospitality is, “the creation of a free space is not to change people, but to offer them space where change can take place”

We are most hospitable when we learn to let go of our need to control others. The paradox of hospitality is that it wants to create emptiness, not a fearful emptiness, but a friendly emptiness where strangers can enter and discover themselves as created free; free to sing their own songs, speak their own languages, dance their own dances; free also to leave and follow their own vocations. Hospitality is not a subtle invitation to adopt the life style of the host, but the gift of a chance for the guest to find his own.

Nouwen’s great insight is that a host cannot control or manipulate a guest’s experience. Transformation only begins to blossom when we open up a space that allows others to explore their God-given autonomy and creativity. To listen is very hard, because it asks of us so much interior stability that we no longer need to prove ourselves by speeches, arguments, statements, or declarations. True listeners no longer have an inner need to make their presence known. They are free to receive, to welcome, to accept.

“Listening is much more than allowing another to talk while waiting for a chance to respond. Listening is paying full attention to others and welcoming them into our very beings. The beauty of listening is that, those who are listened to start feeling accepted, start taking their words more seriously and discovering their own true selves. Listening is a form of spiritual hospitality by which you invite strangers to become friends, to get to know their inner selves more fully, and even to dare to be silent with you”. Henri Nouwen

The first act of hospitality was the creation of the world. God opened a space within himself to bless others with life. Today we are able to participate in this hospitable activity in our own pastoral listening encounters. To do so is a beautiful privilege and a difficult calling. We must learn to deny our self and put another’s needs before our own. To engage in spiritual hospitality we must learn to let go of our desire to fix and control and learn to create a space where the other person can experience their true self and the Spirit’s guidance. Listening is not just something that we do. It is a wonderful gift that we give others and that we ourselves participate in.

Solomzi

 

Photo Credit: Ashraf Hendricks/GroundUp

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